Never Be The Same Again
by MissAmyR92
Summary: Jo/Sam pairing, therefore please don't read if you're not a fan of female/female relationships. Based on the song Never be The Same Again by Melanie C.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey again! Just a Jam songfic****…from Sam's POV. x**

Why? Why did I have to mess things up? Everything was going so well, better than I ever could have imagined…and I ruined it. I have a habit of doing that. It was the same with Phil. I was so happy, we were best friends and we were closer than ever. Then Romania happened. We couldn't be friends after that, it was too painful. Now I've done the same again.

Jo and I. I could tell her anything, she was the same. My phone bills had been sky high since we'd been best friends! I could phone her at 4am and she wouldn't mind. She's the kind of friend everyone needs. I still need her. More than she'll ever know. So why did I ruin things? I guess that's what I always do. Ruin things. Samantha Nixon, puts her foot in it at every possibility.

It was just like any other day. It was late one night and we were having a drink and just talking about our day. It was nothing different, it's what friends do. Friends. That's what we were, that's all we'll ever be.

Then I kissed her. God, what possessed me to do that? I knew I felt something for her, something more than friendship, but I wasn't planning on acting on it. There was too much at stake, too much to lose. But I guess I've lost it all now anyway. Things can't go back to the way they were before, it will be too awkward. I tried it with Phil. Friends, lovers, and then friends again. It didn't work. Instead I lost a good friend. Now I've lost two good friends.

I don't even know if she feels the same. Deep down, I hope she does. At least that way it won't be so painful. I never gave her the chance to say anything though. As soon as it happened I ran. Ran out of the house and went home. She must have thought I'm such a coward. Which I am I suppose, I am a coward. Scared of my feelings. After all, I've never felt like this about a woman before. So I guess the feelings scared me.

But what if she does feel the same? What if she doesn't think it was all a mistake? I'm still not sure whether it was a mistake or not. I like her, more than a friend, but I want a best friend as well. But I can't have it both ways. I have to choose: a best friend or a lover?

I guess it's a win-win situation. I'll still have Jo no matter what. I hope. God, I hope so. I really don't know what I'd do without her. She's just…perfect. She's a good listener, gives great advice, she's a damn good cop, she makes me laugh, she's beautiful. And hopefully, she'll be more than just a best friend.

It's not the end. I'm pretty sure of that. It's just the beginning. The beginning of a new life. Or so I hope. I need to talk to her. I need to know if she feels the same. God, I hope she does. But what if she doesn't? My mind would be more messed up than it is now. But I don't think I could be more confused than I am now to be honest. My head's all over the place. My heart is telling me I need her, but my head thinks I'm mad for even thinking I stand a chance with Jo. I just don't know.

I want her, there's no doubt about that. Question is, do I need her? I've needed her as a best friend…do I need her as a lover? So many questions lacking so many answers. The only thing I'm sure of is that we can't be 'just friends' anymore. But can we be lovers?

Please review x


	2. Chapter 2

**Me again! This chapter is for ****DanielleE**** who asked. So I wrote it :) Enjoy. Please R&R. Amy x**

Yes. I do need her. I can't spend another long, cold night without her. It's killing me slowly. It's too painful to even bear thinking about any longer. Things are so awkward between us at the moment. I don't know what this means. Is Jo avoiding me because she feels the same but doesn't want to admit it or is she ignoring me because she doesn't feel the same and is hurt, maybe even disgusted by what I did? I don't know. I really can't work that woman out sometimes. And I'm meant to be a detective! I thought I had a pretty good poker face but hers isn't bad either. God, she makes my life so damn difficult sometimes. But I can't help but love her.

I'm sitting outside her house. It's bloody freezing! I hope she appreciates the fact that I left my nice, warm house just to see her. I just can't leave this any longer. I know I'm in for the most awkward and possibly heartbreaking conversation I've ever had, but I need to know how she feels. I've got my hopes up, I can imagine them being shattered into a thousand pieces. It's happened more times than I care to mention. I shouldn't let myself get dragged in to this situation once again.

I fought my feelings for Jo so hard for so long. I was determined to let my head rule my heart for once. I was doing so well but I lost the fight that night. That night. In some ways I wish it hadn't happened. But on the other hand it's a huge weight off my shoulders knowing that she knows. I may regret ever saying anything but at least she knows.

I'm still sitting here. Rubbing my hands together fiercely, trying to warm them up. Although I don't see the point seeing as I have to go out in the cold again in a minute. I'm contemplating what to say, trying to arrange my thoughts into some sort of order. I know what I want to say but as soon as I gaze into those beautiful eyes of hers I know my mind will turn to mush. I wish she didn't have this effect on me. I can't concentrate on my work when she's in the office. When we're being briefed and she's sitting right next to me. Our bodies so near to touching. Does she not have any idea of what her being in close proximity does to me? We stand up at the same time and our arms touch briefly. This one touch sends me weak at the knees, my heart rate quickens and my stomach does somersaults.

My breathing hitches now just thinking at precious little moments such as that. My mind is consumed with thoughts such as this, my dreams too. I've dreamed of her touching me. Holding me close. Kissing me hungrily. Undressing me furiously. Moaning at my touches. Grinding her hips. Screaming out my name…making me feel things indescribable. I know I shouldn't think like this. She shouldn't be so damn sexy! She has the figure to die for. Those breasts… I've spent more time thinking about them than I care to mention. She always wears tops that show a little cleavage. I wish she wouldn't. Does she really expect me to be able to do my job successfully when she's dressed like that?! And due to my unusual height (or lack of it) her breasts are always in my line of vision. I haven't worked out if that's an advantage or not. I think it would be in a different situation than in the office. If she was in my bedroom, topless, then I think my height would definitely be an advantage.

I can't sit here much longer. My stomach is churning with fear. And I can't feel my fingers. Sod this, I'm going to talk to her.

I've knocked on the door. I'm waiting for her to open the door. I hope she's in after all this. I hear footsteps coming closer, there's no going back now. She's opening the door…

"Didn't expect to see you here."

_Well that wasn't the reaction I was expecting! Is that all she has to say?!_

"I wasn't expecting to be here." _Well what else could I say?_

_"_You'd better come in." Jo replied, opening the door more so I could get in the house.

I perched on the edge of the sofa, looking at the floor.

"So…what can I do for you?" Jo asked.

"I…I…" I stuttered, suddenly bottling it.

"Spit it out Sam."

"I think I love you." I replied, sincerely.

There, I said it. I couldn't take it back. I couldn't deny it. Not that I'd want to deny it. I can't wait much longer for an answer Jo! What is she trying to do to my nerves?

"Do you?"

_Do I?! She's the one I've been thinking about constantly for months, the one I want to spend my l__ife w__ith. Of course I bloody do!_

"Yes. Say something Jo. The suspense is killing me." Sam laughed nervously.

Jo looked at me, I wasn't sure what she was thinking. She slid across the sofa towards me, keeping her gaze upon me. Then she kissed me. Jo kissed me! It wasn't because she'd had one too many to drink or because I'd kissed her first. I felt like I was floating in a sea of ecstasy. Her lips pressing against mine, her tongue clashing with my own, her hands roaming over my body; through my hair, massaging my breasts, resting on my hips. I pulled away softly before I was unable to, staring deep into her eyes.

"I love you too Sam." Jo replied breathlessly, resting her forehead against mine.

"You don't know how happy I am that you said that. I was so scared about coming here. Why did you behave the way you did yesterday? I thought you weren't interested…" I replied, looking away.

"No it was nothing like that sweetheart," Jo replied, tilting my head to look at her again. "I was scared of how I felt. You're as straight as they come, or so I thought, I thought you were just confused. I never thought that a woman as beautiful and amazing as you could be interested in someone like me."

I blushed furiously. "You're amazing Jo, and I don't deserve you. But I'm so glad I've got you."

**Love it? Hate it?****Please R&R x**


End file.
